193 \\ Can AI (Chat GPT) Relate to Your Challenges as a Stepmom Better Than Your Husband?
(AI transcript errors are not optional at this time!)
Can AI chat GPT relay to your challenges as a stepmom better than your husband? Hey, if you've ever wondered if you're exaggerating about the anxiousness that you're feeling as a stepmom, or you find yourself huddled under the blankets as you go to sleep at night, suppressing the urge to scream because no one understands how hard or lonely or distressing being a stepmom is, or you're walking around like a turtle, feeling small, hiding underneath your shell.
When you really long to be a giraffe with a nice long neck, standing up tall and confident, then you're in the right place. Hey, in episode number 193 of The Empowered Stepmom Podcast, I'm going to answer that question. If chat GPT is smarter than your hunka-hunka when it comes to understanding the challenges you face as a step mom.
Now, I'm pretty sure that this is not on your top 100 list of things to ask yourself as you are transitioning into your stepmom role. So, what makes this episode number 193 so important for you? Well, are your concerns that you're having as a soon to be stepmom or a, I just said I do, and now I want to say I don't anymore, or you've been in the trenches for a while and you're still feeling a bit out of place, we are going to identify realistic concerns that we face as stepmoms. And not only that, what we can do about it, because a lot of times we imagine some of the concerns. And I say that with all the love in my heart, because once we start experiencing doubt, it's like a freight train going down the tracks at an exponential speed and doubts invite more doubts and then we spiral and we don't even understand how we got there.
So it's really important that we know, this is a concern that this violation of this boundary is problematic for me and we're all going to have different boundaries. However, we will have many things that sync up together.
This episode is. All about you walking away with your confidence because the mission of The Empowered Stepmom Podcast is to equip you with the confidence, the prowess and expert strategies you need to take your power back and reclaim your joy in your family and truthfully in your entire life. A confident step mama is a force to be reckoned with.
Let's get to reckoning God's way. Hi there. I'm Jen Rogers, certified professional life coach, step mama in the trenches and professional speaker. I speak life into women because I believe each woman must know she is cherished, she is loved, and she is powerful. I'm on a mission to not only reach 12,000 women in 2023, but to prevent generational re-divorce in families.
If you are ready to take your power back and reclaim your joy, you are in exactly the right place. And it all starts with putting up some boundaries.
So head on over to BuildBetterBoundaries.com to get started with the free powerful resource BuildBetterBoundaries.com, because once we begin that process of implementing small steps, our confidence grows.
And as our confidence grows, it picks up speed. And instead of spiraling in the wrong direction, we are going to spiral upward, if you will. All right let's get started with today's episode.
Hey PS, if you are new around here, I am so excited to welcome you. Welcome to the show. If you're an OG, well, shoot, I love you.
I just appreciate you. Thanks for hanging around. All right. Are you ready for it?
All right.
So I went to chat GPT and I typed in what are the fears and concerns of new stepmoms? And the answer is there are actually, and the answer is there are 10 main things. Now, if I were to list out all the 10 things and I'm driving in a car, I would not be able to remember all 10 things. So I'm going to take a few at a time and then recap at the end.
And I'll be sure to put them in the show notes and ensure that the transcript is up. So if you want to go check it out later, you. Absolutely can.
Today's episode is definitely a paper and pencil episode. So if you're driving, swiffering or changing the baby's diaper, totally cool. You can go back and listen again later. Stay tuned, listen right now and absorb what you're hearing so you can begin to think about how you would respond.
This is going to take a little bit of time for you. On your own. So listen to the episode and then go back and listen again and take it piece by piece. So the first thing you're going to do,
you get out your piece of paper, eight and a half by 11 works great or whatever you have handy. Even a napkin, lots of great things happen on napkins. Put a line down the center of the paper. So you'll have two columns. I did this earlier with a client on a call today. It's so powerful to orient our thinking.
So on the left side, we're going to have the worst case scenario. That's going to be the name of that column, worst case scenario. And on the right hand side, You'll write down what I want. It's really important that you get clear on what you want. A lot of times the reason that we're spiraling downward instead of ascending is because we are not clear on what we want.
And the reason that we're not clear is we have not given ourselves permission to take the time to think about what we want. So we just keep going from anxiousness to anxiousness, to frustration, to disappointment, to disillusionment. To, uh, I want to get out of here. So instead of that, how we take back our control and how we bring joy back into what we're doing is we know what we want.
So you are a woman who knows what you want. Okay. Again, sheet of paper, napkin, notebook, paper, whatever it is, column, two columns, one line down the middle to separate the columns on the left side, right? Worst case scenario on the right side. What I want. Okay, I will go in a little bit deeper as we evaluate whether or not chat GPT knows anything about what it's like to be a step mom.
Okay. There were 10 things that they came up with on chat GPT and in lieu of. Putting all 10 out there immediately. I'm going to list off a few at a time and then I'll talk about them and then we'll come on back. Okay. So the first, the top three, and I don't know if these are in order from one to 10, doesn't really matter.
We feel all these things. I'm sure of it. Number one, rejection or resentment. Number two, competition with the biological parent. Number three, parenting differences. These actually may be the top three as I'm looking at them. Okay. Rejection or resentment. Many stepmoms fear that their stepkids may not accept them or they may resent their presence in the family.
So totally true. And here's the thing. The flip side is also true. Whereas stepmoms, we may feel like we want to reject or we may feel resentment towards our stepkids. I want to assure you that this is totally normal. Listen, a lot of times I think about, is this a blended family thing? Is this a stepmom thing?
Or is this just a family thing where people just generally don't get along at times? And I think it's both and. It's not always either or and dependent on what I think about a situation is how I'll respond. Am I in step mom mode or am I, we're just going to be nice to each other mode because that's what we're called to do, to be kind.
So in this rejection or resentment on the left column of your paper, the worst case scenario identify one person in your family. It doesn't matter who you pick. Identify one person in your family, write their name down. And then describe the worst case scenario with this person. Is there rejection or resentment with this person, whether it's you towards them or them towards you, or a little bit of both.
And then in the column, what do I want? Describe the relationship, the connection points that you want to have with this person. Then, identify the biggest hurdle that you see. It's your opinion, so it's correct. It's absolutely 100 percent correct what you see as the hurdle between moving closer together when there's rejection or resentment with this person.
And then, brainstorm one really teeny tiny small thing that you could do to move towards connection with this person. You got it? We'll do it again. We'll do it with the next one. Competing with the biological parent. According to ChatGPT, there may be fear of not measuring up to the children's biological parent, particularly if the biological parent is still involved in their lives.
Okay. So does a woman compete with another woman? Oh, never. Right? Of course there's competition. It feels like competition. Even if you don't intend to be competitive, there's a lot of comparison with the way that things were. And the way that things are in the way that you want things to be, especially when there's high conflict involved with an ex spouse, it's difficult because you're not communicating effectively.
And so there, there feels like a lot of judgment there and definitely a lot of competition between the two women in this family. And Well, I have to tell you that initially when I blended, I said, that woman is not a part of my family. But the thing is, she never leaves. So she is, she is influential. She has a big impact on how my family rolls because she has so many touch points with the kids that are here.
Every other week. And so I have to decide, am I going to push her out or am I going to come up with ways that work for me? Whether or not she's high conflict, I'm going to focus on what I can do in my family. So this competition with the biological mom, that is definitely for reals. So here's the thing.
You are not the same people. You are distinctly, uniquely, beautifully you and God has placed you in your blended family on purpose. He has called you to use your giftings in this family. So on your sheet of paper, the worst case scenario competing with a biological parent, what do you see as a worst case scenario in this relationship?
And then what do you want? Describe the relationship that you would like to have with this person. Identify the biggest hurdle. And then one small thing that you could do, it might just be that it's so difficult. That's the only place that you can start is actually the best place. And that's to pray to pray for this person.
Okay. Number three, parenting differences, differences in parenting styles and discipline can create tension and fear of not being on the same page as a biological parent or feeling like an outsider in the parenting role. Oh goodness. Indeed. This is common, common, common that it's very difficult to get to peaceful co parenting, whether it's in your own home or whether it's dealing with a difficult ex.
if you want some help with peaceful co parenting, go to the website right now, stepfamilypodcast. com forward slash parenting workshop and stepfamilypodcast. Do that mini workshop. It's 90 minutes. You and your hunk of hunk can do it together. You can print off separate workbooks, do it together, and then compare notes afterwards.
So go through that mini workshop to understand and to get new language for the co parenting struggles that you are experiencing. It is challenging when you have differing parenting styles. So on the left side of your paper, the worst case scenario, you may be putting your husband's name there. As far as challenges with co parenting, that's the two of you have very different ideas about parenting, which that is.
It's evident in our home that my husband and I, we have very different parenting styles and it's created a lot of havoc in our relationship, but we're working through it and we have worked through it and it's not over. I just want to tell you, it's not over, but we're more, um, attuned, we're more aware and we're.
definitely better equipped to have those conversations that we can have a good conversation about what we think is best. And then ultimately it's up to the biological parent to decide what they want to do in that situation. Okay, so what do I want? Describe the relationship that you want with co parenting, identify the biggest hurdle, and then one small thing that you could do.
Now, for many of us, we're going to put down a difficult ex spouse in the worst case scenario person column. And that's okay. That's totally cool. Listen, this is Intel. Again, you're giving yourself permission to say, Hey, what do I want? And you're recognizing, you're identifying, okay, this is what I fear. See, when you put it on paper.
It's power goes away because then you can face it and say, okay, this is the thing and I don't want this worst case scenario to happen. So I'm going to work on the column on the right for the things that I know are important to me and to the success of my marriage and my family. All right, that's one, two, and three rejection and resentment, competing with the biological parent and parenting differences.
I'm going to give you numbers four, five, and six, according to chat GPT. So far, it's pretty on track, wouldn't you say? Okay. Number four, lack of control. New stepmoms might worry about not having as much control or authority in the household as they would like.
Yeah. Thank you. Hey, listen, when I first started this podcast, I was all about taking your control back. And what I have since learned that it's not about taking your control back. It's about taking your power back because truthfully you have less control, but it's being savvy about using your power. In a positive way to keep, um, to set the tone for what happens in your home.
So yes, there is a lack of control, but a lack of control does not equal a lack of power. And that's a learned skill, how to take your power back. That's why you're here to listen to learn how. That's why you're writing on this piece of paper, worst case scenario and what I want. Okay. Number five, conflict with an ex spouse interactions.
I don't even need to read this. We all know what that means. Okay. Conflict with an ex. It could be his ex or it could be your ex. All right. And number six. A balancing act, balancing the relationship with everybody, your, your husband, your step kids, your own needs and desires can be challenging. And oftentimes I think this is accurate way to go chat GPT.
We neglect our own wellbeing. You'll hear me say often on the podcast, you cannot give what you do not have. And if you do not have confidence and you do not have a sense of who you are and what's important to you, you can't give that away to people in the sense you can't give confidence to other people because you're so uncertain and listen.
We cry a lot in the beginning, we spend a lot of time being upset, angry, hurt, confused, because it is a balancing act. And that's why I encourage you to come into our community, whether it's in the Facebook community or to come into, Oh, Wait for it. Something new is happening. I've been inviting women to come on in now over the last few podcast episodes that we are looking for women who are ready to join the next cohort.
Well, the Academy is officially open. I've done the webpage. I've done all of that and you can go sign up for our first cohort. It is going to start soon. Very, very soon. So please head on over to stepfamilypodcast.com/Academy. Join the Academy where we will have weekly laser coaching calls and we will have weekly challenges.
I say challenges. I will share some insights with you that will make your stepmom journey. Easier. Okay. So join the group cohort, head on over to stepfamilypodcast.com/Academy to join the next cohort starting soon. Okay. Let's see. That was a balancing act. So to repeat those last three, lack of control, conflict with the ex-spouse, And a balancing act really do some self care here.
Take care of your own emotional wellbeing so that you can give love and you must love your neighbor as yourself, which means you got to love you. Okay. All right. Seven, eight, and nine. Feeling isolated, negative stereotypes and financial concerns. Those are all very common things. If you are new to stepfamily land, welcome, welcome, welcome.
There are lots of challenges here, but there are also lots of victories, particularly when you are in community with stepmoms who have been there and they can help you move from where you are to where you want to go. That takes us right back to these two columns. You must know where you want to go. You must know what's important to you.
So chat GPT feeling isolated says stepmoms may worry about feeling isolated or not having a support system, especially if they are not well integrated into the extended family or community. This is particularly challenging. I think when you are first entering a family where there's been a death. In the family, it feels like there's a lot more judgment and people are watching your every move and comparing it to the person that has been lost.
That's really, really difficult. And support systems for blended families, they are growing, but they are still uncommon. So, if you do not have a support system, here we are inside the empowered community. Come on inside, you'll get support. Alright, number eight, negative stereotypes. Society, well, uh, yeah, we know this often portrays stepmoms in a negative light, which can lead to the fear of being unfairly judged or criticized.
Um, well, that's enough said true. So true. All right. Number nine, financial concerns. Some stepmoms may be concerned about financial obligations or disparities within the family. Absolutely. Absolutely. In financial concerns, really a lot of them relate to number 10 on chat, GPT legal or custody issues, those lawyers and courtroom.
Uh, I don't know all the people involved. There's a lot of money there. And the longer you are in court, the more money they make. I'm just going to say it like that. financial concerns. They're obviously challenging because there's only so much money within a certain time frame.
So we must decide what we're going to do with that money. And it's important that you work on this together. There are powerful conversations to have upfront with your hunka-hunka about how you are going to manage your money, whether or not you're going to sign a covenant agreement before you get married, what you're going to do with money for your kids, who's responsible for which bucket of money are you having?
One a bank account, two bank accounts, three, what are you doing? So these are conversations to have upfront. Unfortunately, the truth is they don't happen. Women don't sit down and write on this piece of paper. I want financial freedom. Instead, they go in and they get sucked into all the chaos that has to do with the legal or custody battle.
And I've worked with many women inside the community who have spent g'zillions of dollars as in 20, over 100, 000 on court costs. That's before taking care of the kids. That's before paying any alimony. That's before paying any support. It is ongoing in addition to those things. And that definitely can rob us of our joy.
Listen, I agree with chat GPT when they say it's important to remember that being a stepmom can be rewarding and fulfilling, and you can navigate these challenges successfully. It really does start with you. You must take care of you. If you don't know what you want. You can't tell other people what you want.
I encourage you to go back. I think maybe I talked a little fast today. I'm not sure. I did have an extra cup of coffee today. So go back and listen to these points again and take your sheet of paper down and identify the worst case scenario for the areas that apply to you and then identify what you want.
I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to list these 10 things one more time so I can read them off so we can hear all of these things. As far as the concerns that we face and understand that these are a lot of things. So if you are feeling like being a step mom is really heavy, this is why, because these are all the things that you're juggling and, uh, you weren't designed to do these alone.
Don't navigate these alone. come on inside the community, come join the academy and let's tackle these one at a time in a space where you are loved and cherished. And you can be vulnerable and practical and proactive. Okay. But the 10 things according to, well, stepmoms, most everywhere and chat GPT, we're dealing with rejection and resentment ,competition with the biological parent, differences in parenting styles, feeling out of control or a lack of control.
You've got conflict with an ex spouse, feels like there's this balancing act going on and we're not balancing it very well. We feel isolated navigating negative stereotypes. We've got financial concerns and we may be dealing with legal or custody issues. That's why it's so hard because these 10 things are whoppers for sure.
Are you ready to reduce the impact of the whoppers? Is what you are doing right now working for you? If you're trying to be superwoman and just use one cape, you're likely to have that cape throttle your body as torrential challenges create hurricane force winds that literally leave you feeling tied up in knots.
Being a Stepmom is not a solo career. Here's how you can fight back - powerfully:
Step 1 - Join the FB group
Step 2 - Get the Freebie at BuildBetterBoundaries.com - I'll walk you through an easy to implement 3 step system to start each day off on the right track. No excuses here - this is a freebie.
Step 3 - Decide you will no longer accept the status quo. You were made for more. What if the only thing holding you back is you? Are you finally ready to stop struggling and take your power back? Then do one of two things - or both!! Enroll in the Empowered Academy now - you'll save big when you invest at group coaching rates. Or...apply for one-on-one coaching with me. I'm here for it. Head on over to Stepfamilypodcast.com/academy
and enroll now. We're about to get started with the next cohort!
If you do nothing, nothing changes. I know that sounds simple or cliche. If I had a dollar for every woman who told me she couldn't afford coaching, I'd have a healthy amount of cash on hand from them. And honestly, the money withheld from coaching often goes to the divorce lawyer. Is that what you want?
Do you really mean to say you CAN afford the ongoing loneliness? The crippling isolation and rejection? The loss of intimacy with someone you thought was the right man?
A stepmom's struggle is REAL. And you don't need chatgpt to tell you so - you are living it! Listen, if you aren't moving forward, you are moving backwards. Stop settling. Take back your power. Reclaim your joy. Head on over to Stepfamilypodcast.com/academy
and enroll right now. The deets will flow sweetly into your inbox.
Thanks for listening to the The Empowered Stepmom Podcast. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to reclaim your power and joy. The ball is in your court. The question is, what's your next move?
P.S. If today's episode helped you, entertained you, educated or inspired you, will you leave a 5 star review on your fave podcast app? It'll help more women find us and heal faster.
Here’s a great review from
Msb1805, 09/30/2023
So much great advice for us stepmoms
I wish this podcast had been here when I first got married and became a stepmom. I highly recommend any new stepmom or stepmom to be to listen in. I also encourage the Dads to listen as well as they have a huge responsibility in helping these relationships flourish. Thank you for pouring in to us!
Hey, you are so welcome, MSB 1805. I'd like to play a little game to figure out what MSB stands for. Uh, instead I'm going to call it a day or an episode, call it a wrap.
That's it. I'm going to call it a wrap for episode number 193 of The Empowered Stepmom Podcast. Thanks so much for putting me in your earbuds and I will catch you next week.
